Cocktail Wedding Reception
Hi Sue, I am getting married in a little over two months yay! My question is about "cocktail" receptions (no alcohol involved). We are getting married at church in the afternoon, then serving light fingerfoods and dessert immediately after. I want to encourage a mingling vibe in the reception hall so there will be no assigned seating. I plan on having jazz & contemporary classical music playing in the background. So, how long would you think such a reception should last and what ideas can you offer for the MC to move things along/encourage people to get to know each other?
Sue responds...
Hi Mwende:
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! It's an exciting time for you and your partner - enjoy it.
Here are a few ideas to help you in your planning:
It sounds like you are going to have tables in the reception hall, just with no assigned seating. If there are tables, people will stake out a place (put jackets and bags at their places) and sit down. It is sometimes hard to get people to get up and move around to another group of people. You could always assign seating, then, an hour or so into the reception, have the MC announce that it's time for everyone to move to another table. (You could even play "musical tables" and have people walk around the hall until the music stops - much like musical chairs.)
You could also have things happening in different areas of the reception hall to get people moving around - the guest book here, a display of baby pictures there... Also, bring out the food in dribs and drabs and, instead of having wait staff circulate with the plates, have the people go to the food. Anything that gets people up will put them in contact with other people.
Use family members or your wedding party as "ambassadors". Ask them to greet guests as they entered the reception hall. They also could touch base with people from time to time, take them from their tables ("Oh, there's somebody I want you to meet" or "Oh, there's Doug. You remember Doug - he was at my 50th birthday party last year"...) and move them into conversations with other people.
At another party, I also used "ambassadors" to facilitate a getting-to-know-you activity. I had printed off sheets of paper with statements like "Find somebody who has been to Europe. Find somebody who is related to the groom. Find somebody who knits." There were about a dozen of these statements on each sheet, and I had four different sheets. (In other words, if there were 40 sheets, ten of them would have the same statements on them. There were four different sets of statement sheets.) Guests paired up and had to wander the reception hall putting names to each of these statements. No name could be used more than once. They couldn't use their own names. It was amazing how this stimulated conversations between strangers during the course of the whole reception. ("Oh, you've been to Ottawa too. We went to the National Art Gallery when we were there. Did you?")Because people had met, even briefly, while doing this activity, they weren't shy to go up to talk to them later on, either.
Another trick is to write up short bios of all your guests. ("Mark has been a friend of the family for 20 years. He was a neighbour of the bride's family when they lived in Montreal.") Every guest is given one of the bios (not theirs) when they arrive. They then have to find that person and introduce themselves.
There are a whole host of party games that would accomplish the same things. I'm not a fan of games that force people to do things they don't want to do, but I do like the gentler ones. We don't give out prizes, but I suppose you could do that too.
You asked about how long a reception like this should last. This is so totally up to you and how much time you want to spend with your guests and what "activities" (speeches, photos, throwing the bouquet...) you have planned. You didn't tell me what time in the afternoon the ceremony is taking place, so keep in mind, that if you're getting married in the afternoon and serving light finger foods and dessert, your guests will stay long enough to celebrate and snack with you, but I expect they should be gone before supper time, since you're not serving a meal. PUT YOUR EXPECTATIONS ON YOUR INVITATIONS. For example, you could say:
invite you to attend the celebration of their marriage
at such and such a date
at such and such a time
at such and such a place.
Please join us for hors d'oeuvres, punch and dessert
in the church hall
immediately after the ceremony until 5:00 p.m.
That way, your guests know that there will not be a meal, and they will know what time of time committment they will have to make and what time the party ends. If your invitations have already gone out, have a program available to distribute to your guests as they enter the church, or have a sign with the time of reception events listed on it, telling your guests exactly what's going to happen and when.
The MC is so important to any wedding. Do have him/her announce when things are happening. ("May I have your attention, please. It's time for the bride and groom to cut their wedding cake...") Since you're having music at the reception anyway, the MC could also close the event with you and your spouse having your first dance. ("Ladies and gentlemen, it's time for us to close our celebration of this wonderful occasion. Before we all leave, please gather in a circle around the bride and groom as they have their first dance together as husband and wife.") That way, people know just what to expect. (That's also a good opportunity to park yourselves at the door after the dance to say goodbye to your guests and thank them for attending.)
I hope some of these ideas have helped. If you want more specific help, please give me a few more details and email back to me. I always look forward to hearing about the weddings of people who write in to me. Please do let me know how your day turned out, and pass along some highlights for me.
All the best to you and your fiance at this very special time.
~Sue
